Broadway Musical Humor: The Plot Synopses You Didn’t Know Existed

Today seems like a good day for a humor piece at "The Music That Makes Me Dance" and so I thought I'd write a little comic fluff that will hopefully make you smile. I thought it would be fun to look at some of Broadway's biggest hits over the years and try to encapsulate their plots in just a few sentences. This piece is meant to make people laugh and should in no way be misconstrued as my hating or maligning any of the titles discussed. Sit back and hopefully have a laugh or two.

The Phantom of the Opera:
A psychotic music teacher drags a girl with daddy issues into the sewers where she will, against her will, sing the songs he has written. The answer to restoring music education in our schools.

My Fair Lady:
Learn to speak and dress yourself properly or two fussy gay men will do it for you.

Fiddler on the Roof:
A Jewish father argues with his wife and daughters. A Jewish father lets his wife and daughters have their way. A Jewish father converses with God, the only silence he knows.

Anything Goes:
The musical version of The Love Boat where the celebrity guests are whatever Cole Porter songs show up in that version.

Les Miserables:
Everyone is unhappy and dies (except for the pretty people), basically mirroring real-life during the Bush recession.

Annie:
Oliver! served with two packets of Splenda and a sunshine enema.

Oliver!:
Annie with subtlety and a bigger budget.

The Sound of Music:
Nunsense… but longer… and a different plot… and better songs… and really nothing like Nunsense.   

The Music Man:
A town is so desperate for Sousa marches that they con an innocent traveling salesman into believing he can lead a band.

West Side Story:
Two gangs fight it out, but only one can win the Mirror Ball Trophy.

Sweeney Todd:
This plot is really a mouthful…

How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying:
Trump for President.

Guys and Dolls:
The state of the Republican Party: their biggest game ends in the sewer and everyone shoots craps. The next scene ends in a prayer meeting where we all beg for our souls back.